One of my best friend came over to my place a few months after my separation, had a long conversation with him until he asked me “So, who’s your boyfriend now?”
When he noticed that it took me a few second to respond with an incoherent grunt, he asked me again, “Back to the old you?” and laughed.
Looking back to that day, I think it is fair to say .. Damn! He was right!
So what does that mean? Back to the old me?
I was a serial dater back in my 20s. I dated a lot of man at the same time, slept with different guy almost every day .. according to one of my friend, I was worst than a man!
I have been nothing but a loyal wife to my husband. Never have I ever slept with another guy or even flirt. I was a new me when I become a wife. I cook, I bake, I make my own money, I am great in bed, and yet .. he still ran off with another woman! And slept with maybe a half dozen more during our last 1 year of marriage.
I took a lot of hitting when I was still married. I have been cheated on, lied to, being called fat, laughed at when I tried to exercise, being told that I am not attractive anymore .. it goes on and on for years and it made me think that I will end up alone and ugly and miserable for the rest of my life when he finally left me.
So, during my time of depression, I downloaded this app where you can share all your secret anonymously and I was finally able to rant.
To my surprise, I got many messages from men, some offered their sympathy, mostly offered to hook up. One guy caught my eyes, he was not tacky nor cheesy nor sounded like a perv. He didn’t ask me to share my naked pics, he just chat with me. For a few days.
Until he offered to spend the night with me. And I crazily said YES.
We didn’t share our real name, we didn’t exchange number, we met somewhere and headed to a hotel.
That was the first time I am in a hotel room with another man. He said no pressure, no need to have sex or whatever, we can just talk or cuddle or whatever I need. I was so nervous, until we started talking. We had quite a few things in common. He managed to made me laugh with his joke, we shared the same thought about KPop, we watched the same series, and we even have the same taste in mobile phone brand. What are the odds?
So we hit it off. We finally had sex, I was too nervous to even let him see my naked body and he calmed me down by saying “I don’t know what your ex husband told you about your body, but there is nothing wrong with you! Seriously!”.
That night, we spent a few hours together, had sex, it was disappointing tho .. no orgasm whatsoever .. but at least I know that I could still fake it. Haha
We part ways .. I sent a goodbye message to him via the apps, uninstalled it, and that was it. Despite the disappointing sex, it was enough for me to think that there is a guy who finds me attractive. Desirable to the point that they wanna have sex with me without having to get drunk first. LOL
And so it begins .. the adventure to find Mr. Right.
Nah .. I am not looking for Mr. Right at the moment. I am taking it slow. I will not fall in love too easily again. I will keep my option open so I get to pick the best man to be my partner, and if that means I have to be a serial dater again .. then be it!