My first blog will be about love. Out favourite subject. These two blew my mind with their spoken words poetry about love. How love sometimes arrive in the most bizarre way. Unexpected form.
Maybe love stays. Maybe love can’t. Maybe love shouldn’t.
My marriage ended a long time ago. Even before he decided to ran off with another woman. It ended when we started talking and stopped listening. It ended when I feel the need to fight for him, for our marriage, when all he wanted was for me to let him go. It ended when I can no longer look him in the eyes and tell him that I still have faith in him. In us. It ended when he can no longer look me in the eyes and tell me that he wanted to make things work.
It hurts. Even when I have seen this coming. It still hurts.
Then it hits me. What if I will never find love again? What if no man wants to be with me anymore. I am 40 after all. Isn’t it a bit too ambitious to think that love will come knocking on my door? Again?
Maybe. Maybe not.
It took me a few months of self loathing and self destruction before I finally realised that there is someone who still loves me, who still look me in the eyes and tells me that he loves me, and that I am beautiful. And mean it.
Like they said in the video:
Over and over again (“You are beautiful”) | When you first wake up – (“You are beautiful”) When you’ve just been crying – (“You are beautiful”) | When you don’t wanna hear it – (“You are beautiful”) | When you don’t believe it – (“You are beautiful”) | When nobody else will tell you, (“You are beautiful”) | Love still thinks … You are beautiful.
And mean it.
That love still stays. Still here. He’s got the brightest eyes and the most gorgeous smile, the warmest hug and contagious laugh. That love is my son. My 6 years old handsome boy. He stays, because he’s got no other choice. My husband left him too. Not just me. So who am I to fall apart and not think about his heartbreak? His lost?
We still have each other. We can be each other’s strength. Each other’s happiness.
And as for finding myself another partner .. well, I am finally able to open my heart to the possibilities. Have fun while I’m at it. Excited to start an adventure of a lifetime.
I am finally able to let go of the love that just left me .. left the door open .. turned off the music, listen to the quiet .. and whispered .. “Thank you for stopping by!”