“You see,” she said, ‘your first love isn’t the first person you give your heart to — it’s the first one who breaks it.” – Lang Leav
Tonight, I welcomed another friend of mine to my unofficial The Broken Hearted Club.
He is me. He has given his best to keep his marriage, despite to the fact that she’s been cheating on him. Again. And again.
Why? I asked. Why do you keep forgiving her? Why do you keep holding on? I asked. As if I didn’t know the answer already.
He loves her. He believes that his love will be enough for the both of them. He believes that his love will be enough to conquer all. He genuinely believes that he can change her. He genuinely believes that he and his child can change her.
Been there done that, my friend. Once a cheater, always a cheater!
Told him to fight for this marriage not because he wanted to win, not because he doesn’t want the other guy to win, not because he can’t face the fact that he failed, that he is not man enough to keep his marriage .. but because this marriage is worth the goddamn fight! Be 100% sure that she will fight beside him .. even if he thinks she is worth the fight, he better be sure that she wants him to fight for her!
If not, then what’s the point?
I felt drawn to him. Maybe because I know exactly how he feels. I know exactly how it feels to love someone, give them our best .. and still .. not enough. Never enough. They always find a reason to cheat. To lie. To hurt us. Again and again. And like moth to a flame, we fell for their apology again and again .. until it burns us alive.
And what do you know? He is not realising that he is now cheating on his wife with me. Well, not like we go out, spend time together or meet for coffee or whatever, but him chatting with me and calling me for hours, pouring his heart out or just talking about some random things without his wife knowing kinda feels like cheating to me. Especially when he told me that he deleted all the chat history with me and called me from his office upstairs at his house while his wife is sleeping in their room downstairs. Tsk ..
Take your time, my friend. I really wish you the best. I pray that you will have your happy ending, that she will have a change of heart and she will start loving you again, that you two will be able to find that peace and move on to a better life together.
If not, you are still welcome at The Broken Heart Club.